At Last.........A Mammogram

 

                                Hello Nice People,

             Tell Me, how a full grown woman (me), can put off a very important medical test (mammogram) for two full years.  Thats thinking about it EVERY DAY,  and promising myself that "I will call tomorrow."  Then when it never happens, go to bed thinking "Cripes, I should have called and made an appointment.  What is it that keeps me from making that appointment?"  Oh well,  I will do it tomorrow.......Nah, maybe Monday.....or maybe I will wait til I am off for Christmas, Easter, Summer. blah, blah, blah."  Well guess what,  last week I finally made that dreaded call.  " We can get you in  on Tuesday, July 8th, Mrs. B." " Uh, Do you have anything open around the end of August?"  "Actually, we are scheduling for next week right now.  Mrs. B, lets go for Tuesday."    "Shoot, I don't think I can get out of this now."  OK,  Tuesday the 8th it is. So yesterday was the day that I have been putting off for two years.

So, we all know the routine.  I even got there a little early to fill out all the papers and cards and identification stuff.  Like anyone would steal someone else's identity to have  mammogram.

So that is done!  And hopefully,  it will be good news when I get the results.  And I felt so good about it that when I got home, I made an appointment with the Gynocologist.  I am getting all this out of the way by the time Fall is here.  It is going to be a very productive Summer on the medical front.  I just hope Mrs. Mammo Tech does not work a second job at the Gynos.

 

        Oh, and I also made an appointment for Hubby.  If I hafta, he hasta:

 

                                                     

 

GO GET YOUR MAMMIES GRAMMED

A little Mammogram Poem

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.


So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.


After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."


"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."


She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down ,
My hooters in a vise!


My skin was stretched a nd mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.


Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!


"Take a deep breath," she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.


"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let'shave a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.


It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.


Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"


This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.

I'd like to stick their balls in there,

And see how they come out!!